To be clear…

Drink of choice: A Kenyan Micro- Lot, “Kanake.” Full City+ Roast from Storehouse coffee. Superb. It is Sunday morning, after all.

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the kind words and support from you. Words can not describe what it means knowing that you are there. Thank you is weak, but its what I have at hand. Thank you.

I feel very good overall. I am in the best physical condition I have ever been. Ever. I am lifting heavier weights at the gym and continue to build stamina and endurance on the Stairs. I just measured  my body fat and am back down to 15%, which is the highest I want to be, heading towards a maintenance rage of about 9-12% long term. For reference, a few years back I was composed of over 50% Fat. Hell, a year ago I was about 40%. I have stopped caring about what I weigh. I only focus on body fat percentage. Lean muscle is my friend. Fat, not so much. Resistance training- lifting weights, running stairs- is the gift that keeps giving. You burn calories during the workout, but then you keep burning more calories while sitting at your desk. Plus, I won’t lie, its pretty cool to see muscles I’ve never seen on me before. This week it was a defined “dip” between the upper bicep and the lower Deltoids. Yeah, a bit of vanity creeps in. Fuck it, I earned it.

I had started exercising prior to being diagnosed and was doing well. Now I am doing better. As I read the list of side effects of The Treatment, I divided them into two lists: Those That Must Be Endured and Those I can do Something About. Most fall into the former but two important ones are in the latter: Muscle loss and Bone density loss. I highlighted these. Figuratively, as I don’t own an actual highlighter. And what I can do is Resistance Training. It dawned on me that there are plenty of women at the gym who have excellent muscle definition and body fat ratios and if my High School Biology serves me, they aren’t carrying a ton of testosterone around (I’m not talking 1970’s East German Female Weight Lifters here- that’s a different story). So I know it can be done, so I intend to do it. So far, so good.

One of the purposes this blog serves is as a record for me of how this year is in detail to review a year from now when it is (hopefully) over. As I said before, when we humans come through a trauma, we tend to forget how we felt during it. Just last week I caught myself doing just this. As I have regained my strength and stamina Post- Op, and some of the side effects- notably incontinence- are improving, I found myself thinking of my Post- Op recovery one day last week, “That wasn’t so bad.” I quickly stoped myself. It was that bad. At least at times. I can’t remember much of the detail, but it was that bad. Mostly I just remember there was piss everywhere including a brief period of medically inflicted fluorescent orange piss, the stains of which are still evident in my bathroom. The infection in my Urethra was a party to remember as well (and related to the orange piss). Progress was measured in weeks or months, not days.

If I ever leave this Blog alive* I hope to write a book of not just the experience of being diagnosed and treated for cancer,, but also share diet and exercise helps as well as mental gymnastics to help other people in my situation. The experiences I record here will assist in that endeavor. It won’t be Prostate Cancer Specific. I have learned that Breast and Prostate Cancer are very similar. Both are disease of the endocrine system, and the treatments are very similar as well. The mental aspects are without doubt the same.

One thing I try to remember as I go down this journey is that life is still life. To paraphrase Freud, “Sometimes a Bad Day is just a Bad Day.”

So, despite the occasional raw recording of unpleasantness, know that, by and large, I am well. I have, so far, been able to cope and adapt and I hope I can continue to find those strategies as the year progresses. I believe I will.

And please, keep the Good Thoughts and Prayers coming. They help. Thank you.

*Tip of the keyboard to The Flogging Mollies