Drink of Choice: 2014 Conundrum, California, Charles F Wagner, Proprietor. Music of Choice: U2, Joshua Tree. Never gets old. Either one.
When your intrepid reported last posted, things were weird. Let’s all hold hands, sing Kumbaya and get used to that. This is a Marathon not a sprint. Sadly, I was built for speed, not for distance. That’s another post.
Good news. I got over my fear of stairs yesterday. Can’t explain it, but I was afraid. Shortness of breath, the whole monty, just thinking about it. Only one way I know to overcome a fear: confront it. I learned this lesson the hard way in August of 1970. I was in a boating accident; almost drowned, my sister Jill, may she not be forgotten, did. They got me back on the water almost immediately (I was 8, so it might have been a day or two- it was my first LSD like experience, so, you know; room for error).
I did not Rip it. In the a.m. I walked- just walked- three sets- 27 stories, up and down. I the afternoon I ran the same. Wanted to do more, but that is for another day. I will get there. I promise. Overcoming fear is not immediate. I know. These things take time.
Got to the Gym today. Heavy lifts, Five reps, twelve moves. New high weights. Three sets. Felt it and it was good. Getting there. Interim goal is to bench my weight+ during treatment. Did three sets at 130 lbs. , five reps each, so I am getting there. Again: Old, Stage III, No Testosterone. Not bad. I will make it. I love lifting weights. As a matter of clinical research, I rock a size “M” T-Shirt.
The last two nights have been better. Still some silliness, but manageable.
So it would appear, at this point, that the first few days post-injection are okay, but then the next few run hot. Literally and figuratively. And more than a little weird. Free confession. In my youth I might have experimented with a psychedelic or two. The memory is serving me well. I know how to ride this out. I hope.
As part of the Clinical Trial, I keep a Drug Diary. Today I turned a page. Now on Page 4 of 12. Thus the title of this post. Great news- I’m on page four. Bad news- 8 pages to go. September 27, 2018. Worst Acid Timothy Leary imagined didn’t last that long. But, Timothy Leary Said…
Must go. Doing my part to cook for 70 people tomorrow. Not a Jay 70 people, but an actual head count. U High Women’s Swim Team End of Year Banquet. I am making two pastas, Prime Rib, Chicken Wings, Sausage and peppers, Guacamole and Rancho Gordo’s Thanksgiving Salad- wild rice, beans, fruit, other things, vinaigrette. Off the chain.
All you need is Love. Really. Thanks for yours. Every thing else is over rated. Thanks for reading. Just Thanks.
My Year as a Eunuch 
You covered a lot of ground in this post. Brought back some memories that I had tucked away but they need to come out on occasion. I have not forgotten Jill. She is there. I had a neighbor move in with that name and I imagined she was our Jill every time I spoke to her. You are doing great Jay. The blog is good for you and us. Size medium? Really? That’s impressive!!! Love you a ton.
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I’ll never forget coming back- you and Tabo were making Paper Swans. Candles were lit.I miss her every day. It gets better, but it never goes away. Obviously. And yes, size medium. 32 inch waist. And, in the interest of science, I Rock them. High School sizes. Will add the link next time. Love you more.
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No contest on loving more! Your support in the fight is uplifting. Is there spiritual in this for you? Our prayers include that and showers of love.
Jill … do you see her in your daughters? I do. We do the same with Peter’s sister, Barbara. Sometimes a Monica smile, nearly always a Liz look.
Your physical accomplishments are punishing. Demons drive.
You are constantly in our prayers. Love. M
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